If you've never read the 5 Love Languages, I highly recommend it. I read it several years ago and it really has revolutionized how I choose to show love to others. The idea is that everyone has a primary love language...a specific way that others "speak" to you for you to feel loved. There are 5 love languages:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Gifts
- Touch
- Acts of Service
Ideally, you have 1 primary language that makes you feel loved and that you probably do to show love to others. For example, mine is Acts of Service. Ben could snuggle with me all day on the couch, but I know that he really loves me when he unloads the dishwasher. Whereas Ben's is Touch, so I could clean the house all day long but that's not really going to show him I love him like sitting on the couch together to watch a movie does.
It really taught me a lot about my relationship with Ben and I thought I would try to apply it to my kiddos. I actually think they are a bit tougher to figure out (I probably need to read the 5 Love Languages of Children) since sometimes they want snuggles, sometimes they want to be told "job well done!", and other times they just want to be with you. Of course all the love languages are important...you just want to define their primary one, so that you can make sure they are really feeling loved. I have an idea of what the boys "languages" are...narrowed down to a couple for each of them. Now that Elam is 6 I thought I would just ask him. So, this weekend I gave him this list and asked him to tell me which of these things would make him feel most special and loved by me or Ben.
- Snuggle on the couch (touch)
- Play a game together (quality time)
- Tell you "well done" on a story that you wrote (words of affirmation)
- Clean up your very messy room for you (acts of service)
- Buy your favorite snack from Tesco (gifts)
He chose snuggling on the couch, which actually surprised me...I thought he would have said playing a game or telling him well done. Ben then asked him which one he would do to show love to someone else (which the book mentions that you most likely choose your own love language to try to show others love despite what their language is). He said play a game. So, we still don't have it completely figured out, but I think we're up for some snuggle/wrestle time and lots of game playing with E...especially with Valentines Day just around the corner. :)
1 comment:
I would have guessed that E's was quality time -- "You said that you were going to play a game with me..." Will be interesting to watch and see how this develops. Oh, how I love that kid!
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